Well, Its a taboo word isn't it these days eh?
… love.... BLERGH! who's have it eh?
well...me please sir *Oliver face*
But why in most cases  do we live in absolute fear of it?
Are we all That F*cked up?
Relationships are hard work I know, 
but regardless of how persistent we are at claiming we ain't looking for love, deep down, we all fear being lonely. 
Of course, we have our friends, but we all know that there is a cut off point as to what a friendship can give you emotionally and mentally...right?

To know that someone loves you: To wake up with you, to say ‘I love you’, to tell you that you’re beautiful, to share your successes, your failings and your last Rolo.
The sad thing is, that bad experiences in past relationships have forced many of us into losing the ability to risk. And we deny ourselves potential happiness, all because of that fear of “fucking it all up again”.
I had my first boyfriend when I was thirteen. If my family would have found out I was sneaking off with some “Non Gypsy” feller at nights they would have skinned me alive. But I loved that guy so much; I would have done anything for him. And eventually after two years of sneaking off with him in the middle of the night, I did:
I gave up my whole life and culture amongst the Gypsy Race to be with him. And I ran away with him to live amongst the Gorgia (Non-Gypsy) people and start a new life with him.
It was a short-lived adventure. Terrifying, and always on the run from people trying to hunt me down for a cash reward to be the first group to beat me senseless and disable me.
Sadly and unsurprisingly, the pressure of being hunted down got the better of my man… and rightly so, for both our sakes, I was forced to let him go.

I never would see his incredible face again.

At sixteen years old, I was in a new world, with no family, friends, unable to go back, and not knowing how to go forward. The life changing decision I had made had crumbled to pieces, and the man I left it all for was gone forever.
My relationships from this moment on were never right. I was far too scared to ever feel that kind of loss again, and far too desperate to keep hold of anyone who would tell me they gave a shit, whether I truly felt the same, or not. That led to all kinds of trouble and some pretty horrid relationships. 

It’s astounding how far some people can go, when they realise that they are dating a doormat.

Myself personally, I have always suffered with low self- esteem. I’ve had the Drive to succeed, to survive the “Other side of the camp” and the confidence in my work, but ever me as a person, as someone who deserves love? No way.
Sadly, because of this, I have fallen into the totally wrong kind of relationships, with the totally wrong people, just because I was so grateful to be flattered by them.
And so, here I am, in metaphorical, full ‘tit n’ minge’ I throw my hands in the air and admit that I have spent the majority of my adult life, being a blind and overbearing boyfriend. And my gosh have I had some stinkers. No regrets. But plenty of nutters.
Fortunately, these days I am quite the opposite. I am very cautious, and will always make sure that the person I’m on a date with can do three things.
Make me Laugh.
Have lots to say.
And make me feel a bit dirty.
Who cares if you are official yet? Who cares if you begin to plan your future so soon?
These things are irrelevant... if that person genuinely makes you happy and the same the other way round, then why do all these things even need to be brought up?
The idea what relationships are, and what they "should be", are all taken far too seriously, and all too often we still bring the shit from 'the one before' into it, starting that same routine time and time again.
I don’t know about you, but I refuse to let an ex from the past ever stand in the way of me being happy. Those that have messed with your heart are not worthy of leaving a scar like that.

Learn to risk your heart again. And buy yourself a Valentines card! you deserve one

Much Love to you xxx




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