Every Cloud... x
I have never been a confident person.
My father always being in my head, even beyond leaving home has had its pro’s and con’s.
In the negative, I regularly feel out of place…sometimes ugly, sometimes worthless and unlovable.
And yet strangely, there has been an incredible plus side to it.
Because without the self-doubts I suffer and my father’s voice constantly assuring me of all my faults, I would never have strived so hard to succeed as I have.
I am extremely proud of the continued success of my books, the wonderful readers I've met,
and how overwhelmed I still get, to think I was ever able to write that amount of words…
I am also thankful of the days without the books coming up into conversation.
They were a kind of therapy for me too, after all… and not the best subject to bring up at dinner parties, or when i'm trying my best to be all sexy.
I guess this is why their growing success, made me gradually become more and more of a recluse.
I never intended to be well known for what my life had been. It was always the story and the reader who related to it that was important…
To know that there is still hope, even in complete hopelessness,
no matter what any culture, race, religion, document or way of thinking tells you.
I also hoped that someone who could be hurting another could read it and see what they were doing…and put a stop to it.
One thing I never thought of, is how certain people would react to me when they met me.
I didn’t give much thought to the fact that by writing these books,
my choice of letting people know me gradually had been taken away.
This, even beyond the bouts of cultural homophobia and the people pretending to be me, was the biggest price I paid for being “Gypsy Boy”.
It made my romantic life a very strange one indeed.
but for all the response I have had from my readers, I wouldn’t change a single thing.
I meet many people who pre-empt that I’m some kind of damaged person…
but hey, i wouldn't be "normal" if i wasn't...
aren’t we all a bit f*cked up in one way, or another?
it is your insecurities that make you truly unique.
And in that, there is, and will always be, a comfort in knowing,
that you are not alone.
Much love to you