The Boxing Gloves

One-question a lot of my readers ask me is, 
'What ever happened to the boxing gloves your father had made for you?' 
Well... I guess, just like the dreams for my boxing career, they were passed onto someone else, 
in the hope that they could achieve with them what I could not. 
One sticky afternoon, my father pulled over outside a chip shop and was met by a local travelling man, 
who leaned into his window and passed him £100.
And my father reached over and took the gloves from around my neck. 
It was a huge relief to finally be rid of them. They had been a huge burden to me. 
But I also remember a bittersweetness and how it felt to know that my father’s gift, which had meant so much to him, 
had been taken away from me. 
Yes, there was definitely a great feeling of relief, but there was also a sense of overwhelming loss. 
I took this event as testament that my training days were officially over. But also that I had failed him, and myself too. 
I felt my life was over...I was 11 years old. 
Now at the age of 30, it’s very strange to look back at that moment. 
I never in a million years thought in that moment, that one day I would be sitting here 
in a pair of Sue Pollard Glasses, typing away on my battered Mac, a published author with two bestselling books. 
Of course, that moment in time still has its lasting effects. I've been thinking a lot about loss lately. 
Maybe it’s because I’ve finally put my whole life down. It is finally done. 
I have written it all out of my system. But instead I feel, unashamedly, rather lost in the world. 
Whether it be a memory, a gold chain, a friendship, a family member, or a person you have loved, 
I have learned that there really is no worldly cure to stop the feeling of loss. Except one I guess... 


The passing of time. 

As the weeks, months and years roll by, with hope in our hearts, we find new plans, new goals, 
new friends, new lives and new struggles...And although our memories are strong, 
our pain eventually subsides and we are able to look at things more clearly. 
I believe that as human beings we are stronger than we could ever imagine we are. We cope, we adjust. 
I never saw myself as a strong person. I still don’t. I'm not brave, I’m not courageous. 
I’m just me. 
Everything that has ever happened in my life, I didn’t get through it with bravery, believe me. 
I just had no other choice but to keep on living, keep on going... And all the while believing, with all my heart and soul, that one day, things would turn out good. What an adventure I have had. But I still go through these kinds of feelings all the time.

I am still way too hard on myself. I go through every day on this side, still wondering if it was all worth it. 
But then I remember the journey I made to get here. I am here... Still to dream, still to hope, and still believe that my life, and all that lies ahead, is the most incredible gift I could ever have wished for. It’s all part of the adventure, and it’s never too late to have a new one. 

We all get lonely. We all feel lost. And we all sometimes feel as if we have failed ourselves in some way. 

But please remember even in your darkest day you are not alone. Things WILL get better. 

I promise you. 

Much love to you...


Mikey xxx

 


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